Almost the Big Bang

My life is ridiculous. Doesn't everyone say that, though?

Last night was incredible. Incredible in the sense that i can hardly believe it.

Fact: I'm a 24 virgin. My sexual experience includes kissing some 4 men.

Last night I go on the second date with the Canadian. We go out to dinner in some fine dining resturaunt where dishes are served on rustic wooden boards. We got the vegetarian dish with wine. Afterward we went to a jazz cocnert (very good) and held hands.
How touching.
We're leaving and he says,
this might be forward of me but would you like to come up and see my place before I move out?
I say sure.
Fuck it, right? I'm so curious by this point as to what it is exactly the rest of my generation is up to.
We go upstairs. Dawdle around, get to his room. He looks at me and I think I'm going to skip that awkward moment-throw my purse on his bed-and proceed to kiss him.
And then we're topless, rolling around his bed-me with no previous experience-is working very hard to appear natural and confident.
I'd like to take your pants off-if that's alright
he says.

Yeah. He said that.

He does. And suddenly everything is out. One problem. He can't get er in. You know what. I'm not telling him I'm a virgin. I jsut want to see what happens. I guess a part of me has given up on everything because I am detached and jsut watching us roll around. Watching him go down...and come back up...and I'm going down...and come back up. And things I've never done before are quickly get checked off one by one. At 1am I leave. Not quite the Big Bang, but close.

Home. I can't get in. The door won't open. The doorknob is retarded. After 15 minutes I'm in. My new roomy with whom I signed a lease last Thursday informs me that she is moving to DC. Charming. I'm fucked. How am I going to find a new roommate?
We're chatting about this, I need a smoke. So we go outside so I can smoke. Afterward we're locked out of the apartment. I have keys but it's the doorknob. It won't fucking open. So I'm outside at 4am standing on handrails above a set of stairs tryign to get the window guards loose but they're stuck. We try the door again, after some 15 more minutes I get it open.

And then I get my period.

Ohmagawd, he'slikesupercute.

Jesus christ it's been a year. Well. That's awkward.I've complained in other arenas about inter-web pollution and look at me, littering words all over and forgetting about them.
So there's this guy-you're gonna love this. There's this guy with the face of Johnny Depp but long blond hair. Part of me wants to call him, Braveheart.
First time I saw him I thought-stoner. And then-I bet he does yoga, has a water canteen, and enjoys meditating in grassy hillsides while the deer and rabbits and other made-for-children Disney accessories dance around him.
Well I still think he's a stoner, no one is THAT chilled. I'm fairly chilled, but in an anal retentive kind of way. But the guy plays tennis and complains about this or that authors marxist-liberal innuendos and it's a bit of a double-take. Especially when the light hits him from behind accentuating his brilliant cheekbones...
I must find a way to seduce him.
I'm shit when it comes to relationships. Oh sure, I can play it cool and be less dorky-more witty but this usually works when I'm dating a guy I don't really like. Then after awhile I just stop giving as big a shit and the more sarcastic, serious side comes out. Then the guy feels emasculated because I'll mention something that he has no idea about or we'll play pool and I'll beat him and suddenly it's very obvious that I'm bored out of my mind. SO narcissistic, right?
But seriously, I am SHIT when it comes to attracting guys I'm actually into. I get really awkward. And then laugh too loudly. And then complain about something dumb because I have no idea what to say. So it's the same thing with this guy in my class.
But here's the clip that highschool girls tell their friends which is usually followed by squealing:
We're sitting in class. It's English. He lopes in and sits next to me. So of course I start playing with my thermos and drumming my hands because now I'm aware of him and the fact that I'm not doing anything and I need to find some way of attracting his attention. When I was a kid I was playing with my lunch box, just drumming away on it and I noticed the boy sitting near me was absolutely captivated. I kept drumming just to see how long he'd stay transfixed. 20 minutes and 4 ounces of slack-jawed saliva and lunch time was over. So it's a thing. I just have to play with something when I want attention. And I can't just sit there, no I need to play with my fucking thermos.
Well the teacher pairs us off to talk about cancer. We're sitting next to each other so we're partnered up. We have to write a list of things we think about when cancer comes to mind.
Parades.
Breasts.
Research fraud.
Bald people.
Bald children.
Laughter.
We're laughing.
Oh shit, we're really bad people.
Then the teacher comes over to hear what we wrote and we tell her our (revised) version and suddenly she gets crazy excited and says, "Oh my god. You two are like two peas in a pod. I just realized, you're so alike. You're going to be best friends by the end of the semester."
So after class we're putting on our coats and chatting but my coats on first and because I'm an idiot I say, "Well, I'll see you" and take off.
Shit. Part of me says there's still two months left to the semester and we're both sophomores. Another part of me thinks this is going to be one of those fucking "Hey"-"Oh hey, what's up?" relationships reserved for hallways.
I suppose I'll go work on my sock series comic strip then.